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Tis’ the season of too much to do and not enough time to do it. So let’s talk about asking for help. Why is this so hard for so many of us? Mostly because we don’t want to be seen as needy, annoying, entitled, weak, incapable, or incompetent. And why is that? Because we care about our bonds and fear taxing them. Research has shown that one of the most robust predictors of physical and mental health and well-being is the presence of quality relationships. We literally need them to survive so of course we worry about doing anything that may jeopardize how others feel about us. But these fears are mostly unfounded. In fact, people underestimate the likelihood others will willingly say yes to a request, and allowing others to help us boosts their happiness and our own. It also signals that we are not alone—that we are all in this together, which is how humans were always meant to exist, not in solitary silos.
SO, the next time you could use some help, make space for your anxiety and guilt, unhook from thoughts about potential negative outcomes, and give it a try with someone you trust. You might even be surprised at how good it feels to have your needs met! And if you want more help asking for help, check out my friend and podcast co-host Debbie’s Psyche Guide here.
Sometimes we need a little more than just a favor. Books, courses, podcasts, and professionals can be another great avenue for getting the support you need. If you need help on the parenting front, I highly recommend my other podcast co-host, Emily Edlynn’s book, Autonomy Supportive Parenting. If you struggle with perfectionism, you might get help from an e-course like Patricia Zurita-Ona’s course ACT Beyond Perfectionism. Still trying to figure out what you want to be when your grow up? You might enlist the help of a career coach like Paula Brand or Heidi Siegal-Kogon. Or if you’re struggling with your mental health, you might reach out to a therapist like the amazing clinicians who work for me. The most significant example of this in my own life was finding Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play book and cards which offer a system for creating greater equity at home—this help literally saved my marriage and freed up so much of my precious time!
(PS these are not affiliate links—I do not make a profit from recommending/linking to these resources, I just truly believe in them!).
Where could you use some support? Who might you seek that support from? |
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Gratitude of the month
With the holidays right around the corner, I’m feeling especially grateful to be able to spend them with our families now that we no longer live 3000 miles apart. I was able to be at my brother’s for Thanksgiving and will be hosting 17 family members this Christmas! What are you grateful for?
Ask of the month
In the spirit of asking for help, I’ve added another new section—Ask of the month! Most of us hate doing it, but psychological flexibility means we can think one way and choose to act another if it is in line with our values. SO if you have read Imposter No More and found it valuable, I’d be forever grateful if you would post about it on social media &/or write a review on Amazon &/or Goodreads. This really helps readers find books! OR if you know someone who might benefit from learning psychological flexibility skills for self-doubt and imposterism, consider gifting them a copy this holiday season. Thank you so so much!! And please let me know if there is anything I can do to help or support you!
I’d love to hear from you if you want to connect. Hang tough, peeps, we’ve got this. |
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Mentally Flexible with Tom Parkes, LCSW
Jill joins Tom Parkes, LCSW on his show Mentally Flexible to discuss her new book. They chat about how and why Jill opens up about her own struggles in the book, the challenge and value of being vulnerable in a public way, and the learning that can come from our fears coming true. They also discuss the history of “Imposter Syndrome” and why it makes sense, the different strategies people use to try to cover up their imposter thoughts and feelings, skills and exercises to help work on imposter related challenges, and the importance of learning how to accept discomfort. Give it a listen below! |
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Psychologists Off the Clock with Jill Stoddard
On this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Jill vacates her typical host seat and joins the conversation as a guest to discuss Imposter No More. Diving deep into the phenomenon of imposterism, Jill shares her own stories of overcoming imposter thoughts, explores its evolutionary roots and its prevalence across genders, and underscores the importance of cultivating psychological flexibility. She also guides us through practical exercises to set ourselves free from the cycles of experiential avoidance. Tune in to learn how to conquer your own imposter thoughts and take courageous steps toward your fears and insecurities to lead a more fulfilling life! |
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The contents of this newsletter are for informational and educational purposes only. The newsletter is not intended to be a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are struggling, seek the services of an appropriate mental health professional. |
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